I found this palm in Key West and would love to have some in my yard. Anyone know if this is really called "Bamboo Palm" or where I can find some in Houston?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Loose Tooth Turns Loose
We've been watching the younger sister's bottom tooth for days. Tonight I was able to pull it with the old "dry washcloth" trick my dad used on my teeth three decades ago. Simple enough, you just grab the tooth with a dry wash cloth and pull. If it doesn't come easily, the tooth isn't ready.
This is the first tooth she's actually let me pull, usually she chickens out and waits until the tooth falls out of her head. So far that's been only while eating something you'd never think would make it fall out - like cake, or pudding, or rice.
For the high tech dental extraction I lifted her up on the counter in the kitchen, peered in, grabbed with the washcloth, and pulled. It came out easily and she bled some, so I gave her warm salt water to swish - just like when I was a kid. I did one of those flash backs and remembered the bathroom counter where my dad hoisted me. It was great to experience another "full circle" event in parenting.
Here's to loose teeth and becoming our parents as we become parents.
This is the first tooth she's actually let me pull, usually she chickens out and waits until the tooth falls out of her head. So far that's been only while eating something you'd never think would make it fall out - like cake, or pudding, or rice.
For the high tech dental extraction I lifted her up on the counter in the kitchen, peered in, grabbed with the washcloth, and pulled. It came out easily and she bled some, so I gave her warm salt water to swish - just like when I was a kid. I did one of those flash backs and remembered the bathroom counter where my dad hoisted me. It was great to experience another "full circle" event in parenting.
Here's to loose teeth and becoming our parents as we become parents.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Unlocking Your Best Relationships - Part 4 - Forgiveness
Study Theme: Unlocking Your Best Relationships
Date: Week of May 25, 2008
Title: Be Ready to Forgive
Bible Passages:
Background Passages: Ephesians 4:17-32; Philemon 1-18
Focal Passages: Ephesians 4:22-32; Philemon 8-10,15-18
Forgiveness is the hallmark of the Christian faith. It is modeled for us and we know instinctively that it is a key to unlocking our best relationships. Yet we struggle to forgive. Why?
In today’s lesson we’re going to examine how relating to others in Christ like ways – including seeking reconciliation with those we’ve wronged and being ready to forgive – builds the relationships that God intends us to have. Through today’s study we’ll work to evaluate the status of fractured relationships in your life and discern stepst to take at renewing and restoring that relationship.
1. Remember You’re a New Person (Eph. 4:22-24)
The first and best step we can take when we recognize a fractured relationship is to remember who we are. As the father of three I probably over-lecture on their identity as members of our family and what our values are. Thus, when they leave home for a date, a sleep over, or some social event I say to them “Remember who you are!” They are known by their last name, but they are also to be known by the values we share as a family.
Paul taught the Ephesians the same lesson – that through Christ’s redemption God created them into new people who are to live a totally new way of life. Their very identity was to be framed by the new person they’d become because of Christ’s work on the cross and in their lives.
Paul teaches in this section that Christianity demands a radical and total break from the past way of life and calls believes to a different direction. The reason for this should be obvious from our experiences in trying to forgive others. Simply put, it is not naturally in human nature to be forgiving. The new people that have come to be because of Christ are capable of living forgiveness because are both recipients of said forgiveness and have seen our hero – Jesus – model that for us.
Because we recognize that we must be forgiven repeatedly for our failings as humans, we can also see that others will need our forgiveness. At each step along life’s journey, believers experience renewal of their innermost core. Basic conversion to Christ must be followed by daily renewal of life and as this shapes our identity, only then can we begin to grow our capacity for forgiveness.
2. Relate to Others Unselfishly (Eph. 4:25-31)
Paul continues to exhort the Ephesian believers to be done with the old and adopt the new. In doing so gave commands relating to contrasts between the old life without Christ and the new life in Christ. This becomes the basis for relating to others in less and less selfish ways as we mature in our identity as Jesus follower. As this identity grows, our capacity for forgiveness grows in tandem with our declining selfishness.
Evidence of salvation in a believer’s life is not only a past experience of trusting Christ but a present life of reflecting Christ. This matters in how we handle our anger. Paul says rightly that anger that goes without being dealt with gives the Evil One a foothold in our lives. Not only do we act unkindly to others, we find that anger festers inside us and eats away at our souls, leaving a bitter shell of a person in untended long enough.
Paul continues his ethics exhortation for the believers in Ephesus. Stop unwholesome talk (a huge barrier to forgiveness!), put off falsehood, speak truthfully to your neighbor, work hard, and build each other up in community. Paul urges them to rid themselves of brawling (at church?!!?), slander, bitterness, rage, and malice.
But it is the final sentence that slams home today’s lesson – forgive each other, just as Christ forgave you. What does that look like practically? To forgive as God in Christ forgave believers is to forgive freely, wholeheartedly, eagerly, and spontaneously. The sins referred to in this passage breaks fellowship and destroys relationship. The Christ like act of forgiveness brings the destructive power of those sins to a grinding halt, even when it may not restore fully fellowship between disgruntled folk.
3. Resolve to Forgive (Eph. 4:32)
Paul reminded the Ephesians that because God in Christ reconciled them to Himself, they too should restore fractured relationships by forgiving others. Christ shines brightest in believers’ lives when they forgive, and the decision to forgive is simply that – it is a decision.
Too often Christians make forgiveness about penance. We say “I’ll forgive him when he makes the situation right.” But that’s not the model of forgiveness shown us in Christ. This passage is a good reminder that we must work at forgiving others.
This is a great time in the lesson to ask your students to silently reflect on their relationships, to consider the ones that are most fractured. What an opportunity this coming week holds for them to evaluate that relationship and make a move toward reconciliation and forgiveness.
Why not take a few minutes at this juncture to pray for your learners and offer a guided prayer that they can join in on to determine if giving our accepting forgiveness is needed in their fractured relationships.
4. Restoration or Revenge? A Case Study (Philem. 8-10,15-18)
Paul appealed to Philemon to accept and restore to his household Onesimus, Philemon’s runway slave whom Paul had met while in prison and had led to faith in Christ. Be careful to note that reconciling with others does not mean that we minimize what was done wrong, nor do we pretend to overlook it. Forgiveness does not mean an immediate return to “normal” or “just as it was before the sin.” Instead, what we need to consider is a process of restoration, depending on the severity of the fractured relationship.
The bottom line is that wrongdoers can have a change of heart but still need help finding a path to wholeness and reconciliation with others. It is only through God’s gracious dealings with us and with others that we can find the motivation to forgive and the power to continue sharing life together. The idea is not to “forgive and forget” as the old cliché goes, but to rather “forgive and learn to live with it.”
The bottom line is that holding grudges is inappropriate for God’s people. Paul’s desire for restoration between Philemon and Onesimus was so deep that he was willing to pay the debt Onesimus owed to Philemon in order that his act might reflect Christ’s greater work of reconciling sinners to God by his death on the cross (2 Cor 5.18-19, 21).
Bonus Teaching Aids
1. For a secular view of forgiveness take a look at the website for the “Campaign for Forgiveness Research” at http://www.forgiving.org/. They monitor the research behind the benefits of forgiving others, as well as the social good gained by forgiving others. Some heady stuff, but also a few interesting tidbits like why forgiving others is good for your own physical health.
2. A currently popular song that illustrates the inability to forgive and the pain that unforgiving attitudes bring is found in the Timbaland song Too Late to Apologize. You can hear the song for free at http://www.youtube.com/.
The lyrics are:
I'm holding on your ropeGot me ten feet off the groundAnd I'm hearing what you sayBut I just can't make a soundYou tell me that you need meThen you go and cut me downBut wait...You tell me that you're sorryDidn't think I'd turn around and say..That it's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, it's too lateI'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for youAnd I need you like a heart needs a beat(But that's nothing new)Yeah yeahI loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blueAnd you saySorry like an angel, heavens not the thing for you,But I'm afraidIt's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologizes, it's too lateWoahooo woah It's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeahI said it's too late to apologize, a yeahI'm holding your ropeGot me ten feet off the ground...
3. An older song that will popular with your learners who like The Eagles is Don Henley’s The Heart of the Matter. It portrays the strong disappointment of a love gone bad, but that the “heart of the matter” for the singer is forgiveness, even if the other person doesn’t love him anymore. You can also find concert versions of this at http://www.youtube.com/. Here are the lyrics:
I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you’d found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside loves open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things - we kill I guess
Pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
You know it doesn’t keep me warm
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I’d figured out
I have to learn again
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin’ that anger; it’ll eat you up inside, baby
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thought seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me
Forgiveness
Forgiveness – baby
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
ForgivenessEven if, you don’t love me anymore
Date: Week of May 25, 2008
Title: Be Ready to Forgive
Bible Passages:
Background Passages: Ephesians 4:17-32; Philemon 1-18
Focal Passages: Ephesians 4:22-32; Philemon 8-10,15-18
Forgiveness is the hallmark of the Christian faith. It is modeled for us and we know instinctively that it is a key to unlocking our best relationships. Yet we struggle to forgive. Why?
In today’s lesson we’re going to examine how relating to others in Christ like ways – including seeking reconciliation with those we’ve wronged and being ready to forgive – builds the relationships that God intends us to have. Through today’s study we’ll work to evaluate the status of fractured relationships in your life and discern stepst to take at renewing and restoring that relationship.
1. Remember You’re a New Person (Eph. 4:22-24)
The first and best step we can take when we recognize a fractured relationship is to remember who we are. As the father of three I probably over-lecture on their identity as members of our family and what our values are. Thus, when they leave home for a date, a sleep over, or some social event I say to them “Remember who you are!” They are known by their last name, but they are also to be known by the values we share as a family.
Paul taught the Ephesians the same lesson – that through Christ’s redemption God created them into new people who are to live a totally new way of life. Their very identity was to be framed by the new person they’d become because of Christ’s work on the cross and in their lives.
Paul teaches in this section that Christianity demands a radical and total break from the past way of life and calls believes to a different direction. The reason for this should be obvious from our experiences in trying to forgive others. Simply put, it is not naturally in human nature to be forgiving. The new people that have come to be because of Christ are capable of living forgiveness because are both recipients of said forgiveness and have seen our hero – Jesus – model that for us.
Because we recognize that we must be forgiven repeatedly for our failings as humans, we can also see that others will need our forgiveness. At each step along life’s journey, believers experience renewal of their innermost core. Basic conversion to Christ must be followed by daily renewal of life and as this shapes our identity, only then can we begin to grow our capacity for forgiveness.
2. Relate to Others Unselfishly (Eph. 4:25-31)
Paul continues to exhort the Ephesian believers to be done with the old and adopt the new. In doing so gave commands relating to contrasts between the old life without Christ and the new life in Christ. This becomes the basis for relating to others in less and less selfish ways as we mature in our identity as Jesus follower. As this identity grows, our capacity for forgiveness grows in tandem with our declining selfishness.
Evidence of salvation in a believer’s life is not only a past experience of trusting Christ but a present life of reflecting Christ. This matters in how we handle our anger. Paul says rightly that anger that goes without being dealt with gives the Evil One a foothold in our lives. Not only do we act unkindly to others, we find that anger festers inside us and eats away at our souls, leaving a bitter shell of a person in untended long enough.
Paul continues his ethics exhortation for the believers in Ephesus. Stop unwholesome talk (a huge barrier to forgiveness!), put off falsehood, speak truthfully to your neighbor, work hard, and build each other up in community. Paul urges them to rid themselves of brawling (at church?!!?), slander, bitterness, rage, and malice.
But it is the final sentence that slams home today’s lesson – forgive each other, just as Christ forgave you. What does that look like practically? To forgive as God in Christ forgave believers is to forgive freely, wholeheartedly, eagerly, and spontaneously. The sins referred to in this passage breaks fellowship and destroys relationship. The Christ like act of forgiveness brings the destructive power of those sins to a grinding halt, even when it may not restore fully fellowship between disgruntled folk.
3. Resolve to Forgive (Eph. 4:32)
Paul reminded the Ephesians that because God in Christ reconciled them to Himself, they too should restore fractured relationships by forgiving others. Christ shines brightest in believers’ lives when they forgive, and the decision to forgive is simply that – it is a decision.
Too often Christians make forgiveness about penance. We say “I’ll forgive him when he makes the situation right.” But that’s not the model of forgiveness shown us in Christ. This passage is a good reminder that we must work at forgiving others.
This is a great time in the lesson to ask your students to silently reflect on their relationships, to consider the ones that are most fractured. What an opportunity this coming week holds for them to evaluate that relationship and make a move toward reconciliation and forgiveness.
Why not take a few minutes at this juncture to pray for your learners and offer a guided prayer that they can join in on to determine if giving our accepting forgiveness is needed in their fractured relationships.
4. Restoration or Revenge? A Case Study (Philem. 8-10,15-18)
Paul appealed to Philemon to accept and restore to his household Onesimus, Philemon’s runway slave whom Paul had met while in prison and had led to faith in Christ. Be careful to note that reconciling with others does not mean that we minimize what was done wrong, nor do we pretend to overlook it. Forgiveness does not mean an immediate return to “normal” or “just as it was before the sin.” Instead, what we need to consider is a process of restoration, depending on the severity of the fractured relationship.
The bottom line is that wrongdoers can have a change of heart but still need help finding a path to wholeness and reconciliation with others. It is only through God’s gracious dealings with us and with others that we can find the motivation to forgive and the power to continue sharing life together. The idea is not to “forgive and forget” as the old cliché goes, but to rather “forgive and learn to live with it.”
The bottom line is that holding grudges is inappropriate for God’s people. Paul’s desire for restoration between Philemon and Onesimus was so deep that he was willing to pay the debt Onesimus owed to Philemon in order that his act might reflect Christ’s greater work of reconciling sinners to God by his death on the cross (2 Cor 5.18-19, 21).
Bonus Teaching Aids
1. For a secular view of forgiveness take a look at the website for the “Campaign for Forgiveness Research” at http://www.forgiving.org/. They monitor the research behind the benefits of forgiving others, as well as the social good gained by forgiving others. Some heady stuff, but also a few interesting tidbits like why forgiving others is good for your own physical health.
2. A currently popular song that illustrates the inability to forgive and the pain that unforgiving attitudes bring is found in the Timbaland song Too Late to Apologize. You can hear the song for free at http://www.youtube.com/.
The lyrics are:
I'm holding on your ropeGot me ten feet off the groundAnd I'm hearing what you sayBut I just can't make a soundYou tell me that you need meThen you go and cut me downBut wait...You tell me that you're sorryDidn't think I'd turn around and say..That it's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, it's too lateI'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for youAnd I need you like a heart needs a beat(But that's nothing new)Yeah yeahI loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blueAnd you saySorry like an angel, heavens not the thing for you,But I'm afraidIt's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologizes, it's too lateWoahooo woah It's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeahI said it's too late to apologize, a yeahI'm holding your ropeGot me ten feet off the ground...
3. An older song that will popular with your learners who like The Eagles is Don Henley’s The Heart of the Matter. It portrays the strong disappointment of a love gone bad, but that the “heart of the matter” for the singer is forgiveness, even if the other person doesn’t love him anymore. You can also find concert versions of this at http://www.youtube.com/. Here are the lyrics:
I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you’d found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside loves open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things - we kill I guess
Pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
You know it doesn’t keep me warm
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I’d figured out
I have to learn again
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin’ that anger; it’ll eat you up inside, baby
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thought seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me
Forgiveness
Forgiveness – baby
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
ForgivenessEven if, you don’t love me anymore
Bible Studies for Life - Unlocking Your Best Relationships - Part 3
Study Theme: Unlocking Your Best Relationships
Date: Week of May 18, 2008
Title: Be Trustworthy
Bible Passages:
Background Passage: 1 Samuel 17:1–20:42
Focal Passages: 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:4-7; 20:10-13,16-17
So far this month we’ve considered two keys to unlocking your best relationships: 1) Showing appreciation, and; 2) working at communication. Appreciation and communication are incredibly important aspects of any healthy relationship, but trust is the foundation. A relationship without trust is not a relationship at all. At the heart of every relationship is an abundance or a lack of trust that determines the quality and value of that relationship.
The goal of this lesson is to help your learners build strong relationship by placing an emphasis on trust in their relationships, and by committing to place trustworthiness in a significant relationship of their own. In this lesson we turn to the triangle of Saul, Jonathan, and David to identify what cornerstones we can lay in building a foundation of trust. Strong relationships are built on trust, and we prove to be trustworthy through commitment, loyalty, honesty, and consistency.
1. Commitment (1 Sam. 18:1-4)
In these four verses we see Jonathan and David growing deeper in their friendship. As a sign of his commitment to David, Jonathan gives David his robe, tunic, belt, sword, and bow. Be sure to note that these are no small gifts. They are symbolic gifts from a royal prince to a worthy subject, but they are also gifts of essential practicality. These are tools of a warrior, and Jonathan is showing his support for David in that role.
But there is more going on here. Jonathan is acting selflessly, and in the future this real and symbolic gesture of commitment will be relied upon by David. He will have to trust Jonathan with his life as an enraged Saul pursues him to take his life. David will have these tokens of Jonathan’s commitment to enable him to fully trust Jonathan.
2. Loyalty (1 Sam. 19:4-7)
Seeking to defuse a volatile situation between David and Saul, Jonathan speaks to his father, Saul, on David’s behalf. While sometimes it is unwise to step in between two people who are in a dispute, other times it is a sign of loyalty to a friend to aid in a desperate situation.
Jonathan is displaying loyalty to David, a true helping hand for a friend in need. He is willing to take a risk for a friend in opposition to his own father, and this is a true mark of loyalty that is funded by trust and inspires trust in others. We are inspired in our own lives to greater trust when others take a risk on our behalf. Ask your learners to remember someone who “stuck out their neck” for them to help them in some way. Ask them to consider how that risk on the part of another made them feel. Accepted? Valued? Trusted? In many life situations, trust takes a long time to build. But real risk is a mark of loyalty that has the direct and quick benefit of trustworthiness.
It is worthwhile to note that Jonathan’s willingness to mediate a dispute on behalf of his friend David foreshadows the greater work of mediator accomplished by Jesus Chris. Jesus stood between sinners and God with the goal of reconciliation by way of the cross.
3. Honesty (1 Sam. 20:10-13)
In 1 Samuel 19 we find the story of David’s desperate situation with Saul. Saul appears to be losing his mind, or at least driven by some jealous rage that we don’t fully understand. On one occasion Saul promises Jonathan he’ll not kill David (1 Sam 19.6). Then Saul is back and forth in his commitment to spare David’s life or kill him. In a fit of rage he hurls his spear at David while David is playing music for the king, and David naturally flees.
Jonathan meets secretly with David after the spear-throwing incident. Jonathan promises to honestly inform him of the king’s true attitude. David is honest in disclosing his fears to Jonathan, and it is a sign of the health of their friendship. The beauty of this relationship is that loyalty and trust existed between them already, so the honesty which David displays serves to build on their foundation of trust.
Jonathan’s move toward honesty in turn was to stay loyal – not turning his back on his friend. Jonathan could have taken the easy route of siding with his father in this dispute, but chose to remain loyal. This allowed their relationship to continue in covenant (1 Sam 20.12-15), even under the extreme strain and tension of Saul’s pursuit of David.
Ask your learners to recall a time when they relied on a trustworthy friend in a time of distress. Perhaps you could lead them to reflect on a time when they were trustworthy and loyal to a friend that was personally costly.
4. Consistency (1 Sam. 20:16-17)
Jonathan swore an oath, an oath based on his consistent and unselfish love for David. He sounded out Saul on his disposition toward David, and kept David’s location a secret. He followed through on his promise to send word about David’s safety, and David’s life was spared as a result.
In all of their friendship, Jonathan never wavered in his commitment to David. He truly displayed consistency. This type of consistency is the bond of a relationship for the present and the future.
God is trustworthy in similar fashion. God loves people consistently, and out of that love decided through Jesus to reconcile and redeem. John 13.1 says, “Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.” We do well to celebrate God’s patterns of trustworthiness by striving for that trait in our relationships.
Bonus Teaching Helps
1. State of Love and Trust is a song by the band Pearl Jam. Use this with caution because the song illustrates negatively the impact of betrayed trust in a love affair. Pearl Jam is definitely not a church band, but referencing this song will help you connect the despair of a relationship where trust is breaking down with a generation of learners in their mid-30’s and younger. You can find the lyrics and other info about the band at http://www.pearljam.com/songs/song.php?song=StateOfLoveAndTrust
2. A more tame but dated song to illustrate the need for trust and honesty in relationships is Billy Joel’s Honesty, a video of which can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgmJ1miBzek
3. The website www.wingclips.com offers free video clips for sermons and teaching. A quick search of the word “trust” at their website brought up fifteen movie clips that you can download for use in your class to introduce the lesson or spur conversation.
Date: Week of May 18, 2008
Title: Be Trustworthy
Bible Passages:
Background Passage: 1 Samuel 17:1–20:42
Focal Passages: 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:4-7; 20:10-13,16-17
So far this month we’ve considered two keys to unlocking your best relationships: 1) Showing appreciation, and; 2) working at communication. Appreciation and communication are incredibly important aspects of any healthy relationship, but trust is the foundation. A relationship without trust is not a relationship at all. At the heart of every relationship is an abundance or a lack of trust that determines the quality and value of that relationship.
The goal of this lesson is to help your learners build strong relationship by placing an emphasis on trust in their relationships, and by committing to place trustworthiness in a significant relationship of their own. In this lesson we turn to the triangle of Saul, Jonathan, and David to identify what cornerstones we can lay in building a foundation of trust. Strong relationships are built on trust, and we prove to be trustworthy through commitment, loyalty, honesty, and consistency.
1. Commitment (1 Sam. 18:1-4)
In these four verses we see Jonathan and David growing deeper in their friendship. As a sign of his commitment to David, Jonathan gives David his robe, tunic, belt, sword, and bow. Be sure to note that these are no small gifts. They are symbolic gifts from a royal prince to a worthy subject, but they are also gifts of essential practicality. These are tools of a warrior, and Jonathan is showing his support for David in that role.
But there is more going on here. Jonathan is acting selflessly, and in the future this real and symbolic gesture of commitment will be relied upon by David. He will have to trust Jonathan with his life as an enraged Saul pursues him to take his life. David will have these tokens of Jonathan’s commitment to enable him to fully trust Jonathan.
2. Loyalty (1 Sam. 19:4-7)
Seeking to defuse a volatile situation between David and Saul, Jonathan speaks to his father, Saul, on David’s behalf. While sometimes it is unwise to step in between two people who are in a dispute, other times it is a sign of loyalty to a friend to aid in a desperate situation.
Jonathan is displaying loyalty to David, a true helping hand for a friend in need. He is willing to take a risk for a friend in opposition to his own father, and this is a true mark of loyalty that is funded by trust and inspires trust in others. We are inspired in our own lives to greater trust when others take a risk on our behalf. Ask your learners to remember someone who “stuck out their neck” for them to help them in some way. Ask them to consider how that risk on the part of another made them feel. Accepted? Valued? Trusted? In many life situations, trust takes a long time to build. But real risk is a mark of loyalty that has the direct and quick benefit of trustworthiness.
It is worthwhile to note that Jonathan’s willingness to mediate a dispute on behalf of his friend David foreshadows the greater work of mediator accomplished by Jesus Chris. Jesus stood between sinners and God with the goal of reconciliation by way of the cross.
3. Honesty (1 Sam. 20:10-13)
In 1 Samuel 19 we find the story of David’s desperate situation with Saul. Saul appears to be losing his mind, or at least driven by some jealous rage that we don’t fully understand. On one occasion Saul promises Jonathan he’ll not kill David (1 Sam 19.6). Then Saul is back and forth in his commitment to spare David’s life or kill him. In a fit of rage he hurls his spear at David while David is playing music for the king, and David naturally flees.
Jonathan meets secretly with David after the spear-throwing incident. Jonathan promises to honestly inform him of the king’s true attitude. David is honest in disclosing his fears to Jonathan, and it is a sign of the health of their friendship. The beauty of this relationship is that loyalty and trust existed between them already, so the honesty which David displays serves to build on their foundation of trust.
Jonathan’s move toward honesty in turn was to stay loyal – not turning his back on his friend. Jonathan could have taken the easy route of siding with his father in this dispute, but chose to remain loyal. This allowed their relationship to continue in covenant (1 Sam 20.12-15), even under the extreme strain and tension of Saul’s pursuit of David.
Ask your learners to recall a time when they relied on a trustworthy friend in a time of distress. Perhaps you could lead them to reflect on a time when they were trustworthy and loyal to a friend that was personally costly.
4. Consistency (1 Sam. 20:16-17)
Jonathan swore an oath, an oath based on his consistent and unselfish love for David. He sounded out Saul on his disposition toward David, and kept David’s location a secret. He followed through on his promise to send word about David’s safety, and David’s life was spared as a result.
In all of their friendship, Jonathan never wavered in his commitment to David. He truly displayed consistency. This type of consistency is the bond of a relationship for the present and the future.
God is trustworthy in similar fashion. God loves people consistently, and out of that love decided through Jesus to reconcile and redeem. John 13.1 says, “Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.” We do well to celebrate God’s patterns of trustworthiness by striving for that trait in our relationships.
Bonus Teaching Helps
1. State of Love and Trust is a song by the band Pearl Jam. Use this with caution because the song illustrates negatively the impact of betrayed trust in a love affair. Pearl Jam is definitely not a church band, but referencing this song will help you connect the despair of a relationship where trust is breaking down with a generation of learners in their mid-30’s and younger. You can find the lyrics and other info about the band at http://www.pearljam.com/songs/song.php?song=StateOfLoveAndTrust
2. A more tame but dated song to illustrate the need for trust and honesty in relationships is Billy Joel’s Honesty, a video of which can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgmJ1miBzek
3. The website www.wingclips.com offers free video clips for sermons and teaching. A quick search of the word “trust” at their website brought up fifteen movie clips that you can download for use in your class to introduce the lesson or spur conversation.
Bible Studies for Life - Unlocking Your Best Relationships - Part 2
Bible Studies For Life – May 11, 2008
Study Theme: Unlocking Your Best Relationships
Title: Communicate
Bible Passages:
Background Passages: Deuteronomy 6:1-9; 2 Samuel 13:1–14:33; Proverbs 4:1-9
Focal Passages: Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 2 Samuel 14:23-24,28-33; Proverbs 4:3-6;
Communication is the most difficult part of any type of relationship. As soon as we think we understand the other person, we realize we don’t. We think we’ve been heard, only to have our loved one act as if we’d never dealt with the issue at all. Or, the last resort - known as the silent treatment – happens when we shut down and cut off all communications. But God has a different plan. Good communication is an important key to unlocking your best relationships.
Biblically speaking, intentional communication with another person about God and his ways builds a solid relationship and helps us avoid wrongdoing. Communication is critical for all healthy relationships, and God makes it possible for humans to interact in meaningful ways that increase communication and strengthen all relations.
This lesson is designed to help you build strong, godly relationships by identifying reasons people in relationships stifle or lack communication and by considering your own relationships that may need some attention and time.
1. Communicate—Divine Example and Exhortation (Deut. 6:4-9)
In this first selection, Moses is instructing the Israelites not only to love and obey God but also to teach regularly to their children God’s promises and provisions. These old words of our faith give us a target for effective communication with our family and in particular with our children, especially verse 7:
“Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
The key to communication is talking to one another about important things, especially faith. Whether we’re running around in the mini-van to soccer, dance, and piano, or taking a road trip for vacation, being “on the road” offers great chances for communication between family members.
A nightly ritual in our house is bed time prayers and blessings. I ask my children to reflect on what they did well that day, and on what they could have done better or differently. After a period of reflection we say prayers of thanks, forgiveness, and intercession. Moses says that talking about the precepts of God “when you lie down” is important, and it is a wonderful way to end a day with family. We are able to tell important things about our successes and failures and to build a relationship through sharing. Morning is another great time to accomplish this kind of communication in families.
2. Communicate—Life and Protection (Prov. 4:3-6)
This second passage is part of an appeal from the writer to a young person to pursue wisdom. In exhorting the listener, the writer hearkens back to words of his father’s wisdom spoken to him “when I was still tender.”
Pursue wisdom, his father told him. The writer is remembering words from his father at a very young age, and it illustrates to us that important communication takes place early on in life We hear this same man now telling his own children, indicating that communication between generations continues throughout life.
While reflecting on his own upbringing, this father is communicating to his children about life and the pursuit of wisdom. It is essential as you teach this lesson to remind your learners that instruction about God is essential in the lives of children, and continued conversation and reflection on God is essential between adults.
By keeping the traditions of the faith out in front of our families, we help create a space for holy conversations to happen, and in those holy conversations we grow closer to one another. Sharing the Spirit of God increases harmony in the home and makes communication come together. People who live in wisdom relate in harmony. Finally, it’s important to remember that what we communicate and that we communicate are equally essential to healthy relationships.
3. Communicate—A Case Study (2 Sam. 14:23-24,28-33)
Exiled five years from his father, David, Absalom sought to communicate face to face with him but this story doesn’t ultimately end well. Your learners may not be familiar with this portion of David’s family life, so it will be good to briefly summarize the struggles between Absalom and David found in 2 Samuel 13:1 to 14:22. In the end Absalom is killed at the hands of Joab, and the story of David and his son is a negative example of communication. In effect, it is a story of “too little, too late.”
This may be a painful topic for those who have adult children – for it will remind them that displaying affection for a moment cannot make up for years of neglecting communication. What’s more, the cutoff between David and Absalom fostered bitterness that lasted a lifetime.
Cutoff is a wrong way to handle relationship mishaps, but it’s certainly popular for folk who like to avoid hard conversations and conflict. Cutoff feels easy at first. It’s easier to just not talk or relate. But in the long run it is very difficult and costly because of lost time and lost love. The dismally gloomy truth is that we cannot make up for lost time in relationships, even if there is reconciliation at the end.
Study Theme: Unlocking Your Best Relationships
Title: Communicate
Bible Passages:
Background Passages: Deuteronomy 6:1-9; 2 Samuel 13:1–14:33; Proverbs 4:1-9
Focal Passages: Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 2 Samuel 14:23-24,28-33; Proverbs 4:3-6;
Communication is the most difficult part of any type of relationship. As soon as we think we understand the other person, we realize we don’t. We think we’ve been heard, only to have our loved one act as if we’d never dealt with the issue at all. Or, the last resort - known as the silent treatment – happens when we shut down and cut off all communications. But God has a different plan. Good communication is an important key to unlocking your best relationships.
Biblically speaking, intentional communication with another person about God and his ways builds a solid relationship and helps us avoid wrongdoing. Communication is critical for all healthy relationships, and God makes it possible for humans to interact in meaningful ways that increase communication and strengthen all relations.
This lesson is designed to help you build strong, godly relationships by identifying reasons people in relationships stifle or lack communication and by considering your own relationships that may need some attention and time.
1. Communicate—Divine Example and Exhortation (Deut. 6:4-9)
In this first selection, Moses is instructing the Israelites not only to love and obey God but also to teach regularly to their children God’s promises and provisions. These old words of our faith give us a target for effective communication with our family and in particular with our children, especially verse 7:
“Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
The key to communication is talking to one another about important things, especially faith. Whether we’re running around in the mini-van to soccer, dance, and piano, or taking a road trip for vacation, being “on the road” offers great chances for communication between family members.
A nightly ritual in our house is bed time prayers and blessings. I ask my children to reflect on what they did well that day, and on what they could have done better or differently. After a period of reflection we say prayers of thanks, forgiveness, and intercession. Moses says that talking about the precepts of God “when you lie down” is important, and it is a wonderful way to end a day with family. We are able to tell important things about our successes and failures and to build a relationship through sharing. Morning is another great time to accomplish this kind of communication in families.
2. Communicate—Life and Protection (Prov. 4:3-6)
This second passage is part of an appeal from the writer to a young person to pursue wisdom. In exhorting the listener, the writer hearkens back to words of his father’s wisdom spoken to him “when I was still tender.”
Pursue wisdom, his father told him. The writer is remembering words from his father at a very young age, and it illustrates to us that important communication takes place early on in life We hear this same man now telling his own children, indicating that communication between generations continues throughout life.
While reflecting on his own upbringing, this father is communicating to his children about life and the pursuit of wisdom. It is essential as you teach this lesson to remind your learners that instruction about God is essential in the lives of children, and continued conversation and reflection on God is essential between adults.
By keeping the traditions of the faith out in front of our families, we help create a space for holy conversations to happen, and in those holy conversations we grow closer to one another. Sharing the Spirit of God increases harmony in the home and makes communication come together. People who live in wisdom relate in harmony. Finally, it’s important to remember that what we communicate and that we communicate are equally essential to healthy relationships.
3. Communicate—A Case Study (2 Sam. 14:23-24,28-33)
Exiled five years from his father, David, Absalom sought to communicate face to face with him but this story doesn’t ultimately end well. Your learners may not be familiar with this portion of David’s family life, so it will be good to briefly summarize the struggles between Absalom and David found in 2 Samuel 13:1 to 14:22. In the end Absalom is killed at the hands of Joab, and the story of David and his son is a negative example of communication. In effect, it is a story of “too little, too late.”
This may be a painful topic for those who have adult children – for it will remind them that displaying affection for a moment cannot make up for years of neglecting communication. What’s more, the cutoff between David and Absalom fostered bitterness that lasted a lifetime.
Cutoff is a wrong way to handle relationship mishaps, but it’s certainly popular for folk who like to avoid hard conversations and conflict. Cutoff feels easy at first. It’s easier to just not talk or relate. But in the long run it is very difficult and costly because of lost time and lost love. The dismally gloomy truth is that we cannot make up for lost time in relationships, even if there is reconciliation at the end.
Bible Study for Life - Unlocking Your Best Relationships Part 1
This is the first installment of a four part series written for the Baptist Standard. Enjoy!
We begin a new thematic unit this week in the Bible Studies for Life series. Unlocking Your Best Relationships is a selection of scriptures to help learners discover biblical keys to great relationships of all types – spouses, parents-children, siblings, friends, church members, and so on. The four sessions will focus as follows:
Week of Lesson Title and Focal Passage
May 4 Appreciate
Philippians 2:19-22,25-30; 4:15-18
May 11 Communicate
Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 2 Samuel 14:23-24,28-33; Proverbs 4:3-6
May 18 Be Trustworthy
1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:4-7; 20:10-13,16-17
May 25 Be Ready to Forgive
Ephesians 4:22-32; Philemon 8-10,15-18
Let’s dive into the material for May 4, 2008.
Title: Appreciate - Strengthening Friendships in Christ)
Bible Passages:
Background Passages: Philippians 2:19-30; 4:15-20
Focal Passages: Philippians 2:19-22,25-30; 4:15-18
Biblical Truth:
By showing appreciation for others, we give evidence of building strong relationships with them.
Today’s scripture passages offer three practical ways you can build strong relationships by appreciating others.
1. Show Confidence in Another’s Character (Phil. 2:19-22)
Paul wanted to be with the Philippians, but he was writing this letter from prison and unable to go to be with them. So, he hoped to send Timothy to them, because he knew Timothy would be able to care for them and guide them. In other words, Paul had complete confidence in Timothy’s ability to shepherd the church in Philippi.
Timothy’s character was proven. Paul regarded him as a son because of his work in the gospel. So imagine how special and trusted Timothy must have felt when Paul showed this confidence in his character? Timothy had shows the highest devotion to Jesus by serving others unselfishly and Paul’s affection for Timothy was displayed by expressing this desire to send him in his own place to a congregation for which he cared very much.
Valuing Timothy as a servant to Jesus also served to strengthen the church. Paul edified Timothy in a way that empowered Timothy to greater capacity for leadership, and in effect Paul duplicated his efforts as a shepherd to the churches by releasing this young leader and blessing him.
Application Ideas:
· Ask your learners who in their lives need to know they are trusted? Who can your learners empower by expressing their confidence in them?
· How might your pastor or ministry staff be empowered by your expression of trust in their leadership? Ministers and church leaders usually hear a lot of negative, so how could your class creatively give a blessing to your church staff and volunteers?
2. Care About Another’s Well-Being (Phil. 2:25-30)
In this section Paul makes clear that he is sending Epaphroditus, who would actually serve in Paul’s place. The plan was that Paul would follow later. The beauty of relationship building that we can observe is that the church at Philippi was distressed that Epaphroditus had been critically ill. Paul was eager to send him so that the church could see that Epapharoditus was well and had seen God’s mercy in his own life.
It is possible that Paul was showing the congregation that their care, concern, and prayer served as a part of the healing which Epaphroditus experienced. No doubt this was mercy from God, as Paul makes clear. However, by illustration, we can learn that believes are to take steps to help and care for those who serve the Lord.
By caring about another’s well-being we affirm their importance to us, and in doing that we build stronger relationships. Churches are well-known for the “casserole brigade” that mobilizes when death or illness beset a family. But care happens in thousands of other ways, and none of them are “small” things – especially in the eyes of the recipient of that care.
Application Ideas:
• Discuss the “system” of care in your Bible study class. Does you group do a good job of caring for one another? How can you improve?
• Take a moment to write notes or cards to absent class members – during the lesson! This illustrates how important care of this kind is if you incorporate it into the lesson time.
3. Express Gratitude for Another’s Contribution (Phil. 4:15-18)
Paul commended the Philippian believers for their faithful support of him. They were the only church who, in the beginning of his work, showed him financial help. Gratitude is the fruit of a thankful heart, and not only that, expressing gratitude strengthens relationships.
Verses 15-18 are a continuation of the thank you note that Paul began in 4.10. He goes to great lengths here to discuss very openly his heartfelt thanks for their generosity. His words equate their support of his work with an offering to God (4.18), and although we can only imagine what that offering is, Paul is clearly thankful in the deepest way possible.
Expressing appreciation for others’ kind actions strengthens the bond of relationships. Imagine a husband who never thanks a wife for a meal, her work outside the home, for her affections, and for making herself beautiful for him. Or imagine a wife who never thanks a husband for care, his affections, for his work outside the home, and so forth. Clearly, that relationship is not going to deepen over time because the one fails to appreciate the other. Soon enough, one will stop doing the things that are “unappreciated” and the relationship will deteriorate.
Application Ideas:
· Ask your learners to name people for whom they are grateful and encourage them to express that thanks this coming week by way of a phone call, letter, or small gift or act of service.
· Consider using putting this quote on display during your group time: "In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), German Lutheran pastor, theologian andparticipant in the German resistance movement against Nazism
· If you’re dealing with married folk, let them know that saying “thank you” is also a romantic act.
· Learn to say thank you in 101 different languages by following this link: http://www.romancetracker.com/how-to-say-thank-you-in-101-different-languages/
We begin a new thematic unit this week in the Bible Studies for Life series. Unlocking Your Best Relationships is a selection of scriptures to help learners discover biblical keys to great relationships of all types – spouses, parents-children, siblings, friends, church members, and so on. The four sessions will focus as follows:
Week of Lesson Title and Focal Passage
May 4 Appreciate
Philippians 2:19-22,25-30; 4:15-18
May 11 Communicate
Deuteronomy 6:4-9; 2 Samuel 14:23-24,28-33; Proverbs 4:3-6
May 18 Be Trustworthy
1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:4-7; 20:10-13,16-17
May 25 Be Ready to Forgive
Ephesians 4:22-32; Philemon 8-10,15-18
Let’s dive into the material for May 4, 2008.
Title: Appreciate - Strengthening Friendships in Christ)
Bible Passages:
Background Passages: Philippians 2:19-30; 4:15-20
Focal Passages: Philippians 2:19-22,25-30; 4:15-18
Biblical Truth:
By showing appreciation for others, we give evidence of building strong relationships with them.
Today’s scripture passages offer three practical ways you can build strong relationships by appreciating others.
1. Show Confidence in Another’s Character (Phil. 2:19-22)
Paul wanted to be with the Philippians, but he was writing this letter from prison and unable to go to be with them. So, he hoped to send Timothy to them, because he knew Timothy would be able to care for them and guide them. In other words, Paul had complete confidence in Timothy’s ability to shepherd the church in Philippi.
Timothy’s character was proven. Paul regarded him as a son because of his work in the gospel. So imagine how special and trusted Timothy must have felt when Paul showed this confidence in his character? Timothy had shows the highest devotion to Jesus by serving others unselfishly and Paul’s affection for Timothy was displayed by expressing this desire to send him in his own place to a congregation for which he cared very much.
Valuing Timothy as a servant to Jesus also served to strengthen the church. Paul edified Timothy in a way that empowered Timothy to greater capacity for leadership, and in effect Paul duplicated his efforts as a shepherd to the churches by releasing this young leader and blessing him.
Application Ideas:
· Ask your learners who in their lives need to know they are trusted? Who can your learners empower by expressing their confidence in them?
· How might your pastor or ministry staff be empowered by your expression of trust in their leadership? Ministers and church leaders usually hear a lot of negative, so how could your class creatively give a blessing to your church staff and volunteers?
2. Care About Another’s Well-Being (Phil. 2:25-30)
In this section Paul makes clear that he is sending Epaphroditus, who would actually serve in Paul’s place. The plan was that Paul would follow later. The beauty of relationship building that we can observe is that the church at Philippi was distressed that Epaphroditus had been critically ill. Paul was eager to send him so that the church could see that Epapharoditus was well and had seen God’s mercy in his own life.
It is possible that Paul was showing the congregation that their care, concern, and prayer served as a part of the healing which Epaphroditus experienced. No doubt this was mercy from God, as Paul makes clear. However, by illustration, we can learn that believes are to take steps to help and care for those who serve the Lord.
By caring about another’s well-being we affirm their importance to us, and in doing that we build stronger relationships. Churches are well-known for the “casserole brigade” that mobilizes when death or illness beset a family. But care happens in thousands of other ways, and none of them are “small” things – especially in the eyes of the recipient of that care.
Application Ideas:
• Discuss the “system” of care in your Bible study class. Does you group do a good job of caring for one another? How can you improve?
• Take a moment to write notes or cards to absent class members – during the lesson! This illustrates how important care of this kind is if you incorporate it into the lesson time.
3. Express Gratitude for Another’s Contribution (Phil. 4:15-18)
Paul commended the Philippian believers for their faithful support of him. They were the only church who, in the beginning of his work, showed him financial help. Gratitude is the fruit of a thankful heart, and not only that, expressing gratitude strengthens relationships.
Verses 15-18 are a continuation of the thank you note that Paul began in 4.10. He goes to great lengths here to discuss very openly his heartfelt thanks for their generosity. His words equate their support of his work with an offering to God (4.18), and although we can only imagine what that offering is, Paul is clearly thankful in the deepest way possible.
Expressing appreciation for others’ kind actions strengthens the bond of relationships. Imagine a husband who never thanks a wife for a meal, her work outside the home, for her affections, and for making herself beautiful for him. Or imagine a wife who never thanks a husband for care, his affections, for his work outside the home, and so forth. Clearly, that relationship is not going to deepen over time because the one fails to appreciate the other. Soon enough, one will stop doing the things that are “unappreciated” and the relationship will deteriorate.
Application Ideas:
· Ask your learners to name people for whom they are grateful and encourage them to express that thanks this coming week by way of a phone call, letter, or small gift or act of service.
· Consider using putting this quote on display during your group time: "In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), German Lutheran pastor, theologian andparticipant in the German resistance movement against Nazism
· If you’re dealing with married folk, let them know that saying “thank you” is also a romantic act.
· Learn to say thank you in 101 different languages by following this link: http://www.romancetracker.com/how-to-say-thank-you-in-101-different-languages/
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