Study Theme: Unlocking Your Best Relationships
Date: Week of May 18, 2008
Title: Be Trustworthy
Bible Passages:
Background Passage: 1 Samuel 17:1–20:42
Focal Passages: 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19:4-7; 20:10-13,16-17
So far this month we’ve considered two keys to unlocking your best relationships: 1) Showing appreciation, and; 2) working at communication. Appreciation and communication are incredibly important aspects of any healthy relationship, but trust is the foundation. A relationship without trust is not a relationship at all. At the heart of every relationship is an abundance or a lack of trust that determines the quality and value of that relationship.
The goal of this lesson is to help your learners build strong relationship by placing an emphasis on trust in their relationships, and by committing to place trustworthiness in a significant relationship of their own. In this lesson we turn to the triangle of Saul, Jonathan, and David to identify what cornerstones we can lay in building a foundation of trust. Strong relationships are built on trust, and we prove to be trustworthy through commitment, loyalty, honesty, and consistency.
1. Commitment (1 Sam. 18:1-4)
In these four verses we see Jonathan and David growing deeper in their friendship. As a sign of his commitment to David, Jonathan gives David his robe, tunic, belt, sword, and bow. Be sure to note that these are no small gifts. They are symbolic gifts from a royal prince to a worthy subject, but they are also gifts of essential practicality. These are tools of a warrior, and Jonathan is showing his support for David in that role.
But there is more going on here. Jonathan is acting selflessly, and in the future this real and symbolic gesture of commitment will be relied upon by David. He will have to trust Jonathan with his life as an enraged Saul pursues him to take his life. David will have these tokens of Jonathan’s commitment to enable him to fully trust Jonathan.
2. Loyalty (1 Sam. 19:4-7)
Seeking to defuse a volatile situation between David and Saul, Jonathan speaks to his father, Saul, on David’s behalf. While sometimes it is unwise to step in between two people who are in a dispute, other times it is a sign of loyalty to a friend to aid in a desperate situation.
Jonathan is displaying loyalty to David, a true helping hand for a friend in need. He is willing to take a risk for a friend in opposition to his own father, and this is a true mark of loyalty that is funded by trust and inspires trust in others. We are inspired in our own lives to greater trust when others take a risk on our behalf. Ask your learners to remember someone who “stuck out their neck” for them to help them in some way. Ask them to consider how that risk on the part of another made them feel. Accepted? Valued? Trusted? In many life situations, trust takes a long time to build. But real risk is a mark of loyalty that has the direct and quick benefit of trustworthiness.
It is worthwhile to note that Jonathan’s willingness to mediate a dispute on behalf of his friend David foreshadows the greater work of mediator accomplished by Jesus Chris. Jesus stood between sinners and God with the goal of reconciliation by way of the cross.
3. Honesty (1 Sam. 20:10-13)
In 1 Samuel 19 we find the story of David’s desperate situation with Saul. Saul appears to be losing his mind, or at least driven by some jealous rage that we don’t fully understand. On one occasion Saul promises Jonathan he’ll not kill David (1 Sam 19.6). Then Saul is back and forth in his commitment to spare David’s life or kill him. In a fit of rage he hurls his spear at David while David is playing music for the king, and David naturally flees.
Jonathan meets secretly with David after the spear-throwing incident. Jonathan promises to honestly inform him of the king’s true attitude. David is honest in disclosing his fears to Jonathan, and it is a sign of the health of their friendship. The beauty of this relationship is that loyalty and trust existed between them already, so the honesty which David displays serves to build on their foundation of trust.
Jonathan’s move toward honesty in turn was to stay loyal – not turning his back on his friend. Jonathan could have taken the easy route of siding with his father in this dispute, but chose to remain loyal. This allowed their relationship to continue in covenant (1 Sam 20.12-15), even under the extreme strain and tension of Saul’s pursuit of David.
Ask your learners to recall a time when they relied on a trustworthy friend in a time of distress. Perhaps you could lead them to reflect on a time when they were trustworthy and loyal to a friend that was personally costly.
4. Consistency (1 Sam. 20:16-17)
Jonathan swore an oath, an oath based on his consistent and unselfish love for David. He sounded out Saul on his disposition toward David, and kept David’s location a secret. He followed through on his promise to send word about David’s safety, and David’s life was spared as a result.
In all of their friendship, Jonathan never wavered in his commitment to David. He truly displayed consistency. This type of consistency is the bond of a relationship for the present and the future.
God is trustworthy in similar fashion. God loves people consistently, and out of that love decided through Jesus to reconcile and redeem. John 13.1 says, “Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.” We do well to celebrate God’s patterns of trustworthiness by striving for that trait in our relationships.
Bonus Teaching Helps
1. State of Love and Trust is a song by the band Pearl Jam. Use this with caution because the song illustrates negatively the impact of betrayed trust in a love affair. Pearl Jam is definitely not a church band, but referencing this song will help you connect the despair of a relationship where trust is breaking down with a generation of learners in their mid-30’s and younger. You can find the lyrics and other info about the band at http://www.pearljam.com/songs/song.php?song=StateOfLoveAndTrust
2. A more tame but dated song to illustrate the need for trust and honesty in relationships is Billy Joel’s Honesty, a video of which can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgmJ1miBzek
3. The website www.wingclips.com offers free video clips for sermons and teaching. A quick search of the word “trust” at their website brought up fifteen movie clips that you can download for use in your class to introduce the lesson or spur conversation.
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